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This 40 year old male presented describing how the toxic relationship with his mother was the bane of his life. The core of his chronic self worth issues and one of the main reasons he came for a session. A love-hate relationship of co-dependency. Mirroring each other with emotional abuse, control issues, explosive outbursts and blackmail, manipulation, judgment etc.
“My Dad left when I was 4. She put me on a pedestal and had high expectations. She wanted me to be the man I couldn’t be, way too young She took away my childhood. I was burdened with responsibility but she also loved and spoiled me. She is insanely needy and also rescues me. I am so enmeshed in this toxic relationship I can’t leave. I can’t say “No” to her.
Q: Why not?
A: It’s self serving as I stand to inherit under her Will. I don’t need it (he’s a successful medical practitioner with a thriving practice) but I also don’t want to lose it.
“I hate her. She’s also doing the same to my son (6 yrs old). She has free and open access to him. Every time he spends time with her, he comes home an emotional wreck. What she did to me, she does to him.”
We explored options. He wasn’t willing to stop access, set appropriate boundaries, arrange supervised access or cut ties with his Mum.
He was shown 2 past lives:
A life where he was captured and held captive by the enemy for 40 yrs until he died.
A 2nd life starting as:
An adolescent girl teased by a group of girls, “They are not including me…I’m new to the place.” This interaction changes much later: “They include me now but I’m always wary. I have my guard up.”
Years later, a baby boy is born to her out of wedlock. The narrow minded community doesn’t accept her. More exclusion and isolation. “He’s the only one I’ve got. I love him but I’m wary if he’ll love me.
Q: Why are you wary?
A: I’m unloveable.
Her fears turn out to be unwarranted and there’s great love between mother and son. Eventually, the son gets married and leaves to start life elsewhere, with his wife. She is heartbroken and lonely.
At 70, things take a turn for the better. She finally finds true love. Lives out her life very much loved, happy and contented
The SC explained these lives were shown for him to understand, “That it could all be taken away and he could get it all back again.”
Q: Why did you show him the 2nd life specifically?
SC: It was not him. It was not his past life. It was his mother’s past life.
Q: I’m confused. He spoke in the first person in that life, as the girl, then the unwed mother…..etc
SC: He had to experience that life, in the first person, as if it was his own life to understand the pain, fear and loneliness she went through. The girl/woman in that 2nd life was not him. It was his mother.
In other words, the 2nd life was his mother’s life (his current Mum).
Q: Why did you show it to him this way?
SC: “To teach him to stop judging his mother. To show him that she’s just as worried about being alone as anyone else, as he is. He judges her constantly. Her actions are less than. He feels upset that she brought him up without a father. He was upset she was all he had. He needed to experience her life through his own eyes, so he can understand what she went through and how she really feels and why she is this way.”
He bursts out crying and forgives his mum instantly. Between sobs, “I was so wrong about her. I didn’t understand why she was that way. She was frightened too. Her family was taken away. She was in so much pain and so lonely. It’s terrible. I see now. She’s doing the best she can ‘cos she only wants to love and be loved, same as everyone else, as I need to be loved. I’m sorry Mum. I’m so sorry. I love you. Will you forgive me?”….
This too was the root of his chronic back pain, migraines and neck issues. Once the forgiveness was complete, there was also complete healing of his physical issues. I have never had a session before where a client was shown someone else’s pas life as their own. After all these years, I am still in awe, and continue to be dazzled by the brilliance and creativity of the SC and how it weaves its magic in every session.